You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
