well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
