We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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