Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
