Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
