and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
