Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
