Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
