I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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