i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
