I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
