real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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