How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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