If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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