I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
