so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
