I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
