if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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