i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
