Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
