seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
