matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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