He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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