im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am midnight drunk by noon
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
