Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
