When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When are your genitals available?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
