yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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