Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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