If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You may now shotgun with the bride
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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