she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
