Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
