Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
