I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
