Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
