Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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