you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
