I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
