dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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