she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
