Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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