Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
