just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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