So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
