my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
