Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
