He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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