Jerry, you need to find god
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
