you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
