no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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