Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
