I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm getting married
To pizza
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize