I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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