You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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