you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize