Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
