until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
