I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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