If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
