I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
