if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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