After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize