I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
