Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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