It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
