she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
