okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
