The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
