Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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