i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
farters have to be the big spoon...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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