I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
