i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
