Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
