just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
